I retract my previous complaint about the weather, and bad feelings toward Al Gore in May. But only to lodge a new updated complaint. It snowed here yesterday. On June 11th. So now I want to talk to good old Al.

While eating breakfast this morning, I opened my blinds to see snow falling. Yes, you read that correctly. I said snow. On May 12th.

I oughta give that Al Gore a piece of my mind.

I may get myself in trouble here. I’ll probably need to put my big size 11 foot in my politically incorrect mouth. So if you are a fan of political correctness, you may want to skip today’s post. Politically correct is one thing I am usually not.

Before continuing, please read my “I am not am American-elitist-snob” disclaimer.

• I love immigration (the legal kind). That’s what America is all about.
• I have friends from many countries. I have traveled to many, and lived in a few.
• Ok, I am biased and feel that America is the best country in the world. That being said, on many issues our government needs we (ok, but mostly our government) need to pull our heads out of where the sun don’t shine.

Are you nervous that I’m going to get political? Don’t be. Not too much anyway. This about the English language. Here’s my beef. If you’re going to move to America, learn English. Here’s my greasy double cheeseburger layer of that beef. If you are going to work as a customer service representative over the phone for American companies, learn English! And if you are a company hiring customer service reps, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW ENGLISH FIRST! Sorry to shout. But I’m mad.

I recently bought the new version of Quickbooks. I was excited to learn I got 30 days of free customer service. I emailed my simple question, and received a call from a middle eastern woman. I spent an hour on the phone, just trying to get her to understand what my question was. This conversation would have lasted 3-4 minutes if I had been speaking to someone who spoke English fluently. This lady answered no fewer than eight questions that I did not ask. But not the one question I did ask. Go figure. When I finally hung up an hour later, I still wasn’t sure she understood what my original question was.

Internet service providers are notorious for hiring these employees. My first internet host nearly drove me to throw my phone and computer out the window. Here was a typical call.

-(After an average of 30 minutes on hold) Hello this is Such & Such Web, can I help you? (in a thick accent)

-Yes, can you tell me how to blah blah blah and yada yada hoo hoo?

-One moment please (brain is scanning, scanning. I recognized a couple words. I’ll send her some information on the ones I understood. Relevance is irrelevant.) I am sending you link with directions and answer to question.

I would open the link, and there would be nothing resembling an answer. It was clear that they did not even understand the question. I had dozens of conversations like this, with several different providers. I’m pretty sure I have a few bald spots from all the hair I pulled out. Then I found Liquid Web, my current host. Sometimes I just want to french kiss them they’re so great. The longest I have waited on hold is maybe two minutes, and they speak English!

If you’re steaming mad right now, go back up and re-read my “I am not am American-elitist-snob” disclaimer.

When I lived in Austria, I took German classes at the local university. My German sucks, but I knew enough to get by. And, are you ready for this? Here’s the clincher. You did not find me trying to give customer service over the phone.

Can someone start some other kind of business (in a middle eastern country which will not be named) that doesn’t require customer service over the phone? PLEASE. I’m begging you. My sanity may be hinging on this.

I’m going to get all crazy here and hit two controversial topics in one day. Politics and religion. Come on over to Girls of 94 for the full rant.

Two areas where I always wished I had talent and never did? Singing and art.

I can sort of carry a tune when I sing. It just isn’t a pretty tune. But I sing in the shower, in the car, and while washing dishes. I also sing at church in the congregation. Don’t get me on my soapbox about singing at church. There are about 800 people in my ward/congregation. If there are 300-400 in a meeting, maybe 15-20 of those sing the hymns.

After college, I spent a semester living in Samoa. Church there was amazing. Everybody sang, and sang loud. Some could sing, some couldn’t. But it all evened out, and the overall product was incredible.

To me, singing at church is a sign of respect and a form of worship that invites the spirit. I hate when only a few out of hundreds are singing. Are they all too lazy to reach for a hymnal? Or all too self conscience about their voices? I realize there will always be a few who have sore throats, are wrangling a child, or have a valid reason for not participating. But I can’t believe that’s the case for most.

If everyone sang, the good singers would drown out the bad ones. Now you won’t find me performing up in the front, because that is not one of my talents. But I will sing with the group. Maybe I’m just bitter because I need the group to sing to drown me out a little. Or a lot.

Anyhoo, on to the art. I have always been fascinated at people with artistic abilities. My artistic curiousity came later in life, and I guess I never tried to pursue or develop any talent there. I don’t know if I could have had talent. But at this point I don’t.

Stinkbug on the other hand… well, we’re seeing some glimmers of hope in her. At three she was coloring better than many kids twice her age. And in the past few months, she has taken up drawing. Her drawings of people are very detailed, down to the eyelashes and fingernails. I am told that is rare at her age. Her four-year-old pictures kick my four-year-old pictures’ butts.

She also has the memory of an elephant. If that elephant thing is true. Where did that come from anyway?

Stinkbug just showed me a new drawing last week. I didn’t know what it was, so I asked her about it. She reminded me of a coloring contest she did from one of my favorite blogs. She hadn’t seen the picture since, but she remembered enough to get sort of close. Check out her picture featured here, and compare it to the little orange cartoon guy in the corner of that site. So the face isn’t exact, but she remembered enough to get the shape and color. Not bad eh? Maybe she’ll have enough artistic talent to make up for my lack of it.