I apologize in advance to my friends who are Democrats. But I’ve got to see a little humor this election season, or I will gnaw off my own arm and beat someone with it.

Happy Halloween!

Did I mention that I have talented friends? I am kicking myself for not getting a haircut before these pictures- I’m way overdue. But I’m looking forward to some more pictures soon with a new baby and a new haircut. Check out Tyra’s photography here.

If only I could write the tune to that song. Anyone remember that one? It has been in my head all night. I have a little over three weeks to go before this baby is due, but who is counting?

Hey remember when I thought my 27 week belly was big? That was pretty funny huh. I had a nice comment from my brother, asking for more belly shots. Actually wait, I believe the exact words were “DISGUSTING. COVER IT UP!” But translated to English that means “I love you sis, keep the pictures coming.” I’ll cut him a little slack, because he is not used to such ginormosity. (Yes it’s a word. It is now anyway.) His wife is one of these cute things whose 6-7 month prego ponch looks like me after a good meal when I’m not pregnant. Lucky girl.

So out of respect for the queasy, my 36 week belly shot will be clothed. Sorry to disappoint anyone who was hoping to see a map of veins through my transparent skin, and a doorbell belly button that sticks out an inch.

You know what they say about the elephant in the room. And pregnancy is the one time in my life when you are allowed to tell me I am huge without being slapped. So don’t tip-toe around it. It’s now or never.

P.S. I have started nesting. I went and bought loads of fabric for a valance, quilt, bumper pads, bed skirt, and swaddling blankets. Hmmm. I wish someone had reminded me that I DON’T SEW. Jeez. Pictures may or may not follow, depending on how disastrous it all turns out.

So I’ve been a big slacker lately. And when I say big? I mean that quite literally.

Told you we grow ‘em big in my family. Good thing I only have about three weeks left. Wait, did I say three weeks? Silly me. I meant THREE MONTHS. Seriously. At this point in pregnancy, I am bigger than most of my friends are when they are ripe and ready to deliver.

I can’t complain though. This pregnancy has been much better than my last, and I know a lot of people have it much worse. Even though I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, I have been fairly comfortable. I haven’t puked in a month, and the serious heartburn only started two nights ago.

You know what sucks though? This.

Nice eh? I had terrible tendonitis in my knee playing sports throughout college, so I always wore a strap on my patella to take the pressure off. That resulted in a nice little bulging vein inside my knee. No big deal right? Until pregnancy #1. The sucker spread and took over my right leg. And it has gotten progressively worse with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies.

The thing about varicose veins? I used to think to think it was just a cosmetic thing, and that people got them fixed for vanity purposes. But oh my gosh they hurt like the devil. This picture was taken after NOT being on my feet for several hours. If I’m on my feet for more than ten minutes or so, they bulge a couple inches and make me want to scream obscenities at anyone who looks at me the wrong way.

*Sidenote for the sickos* If you’re the type that enjoys watching people eat bugs, get hurt, or other things that normal people find repulsive, do a Google image search for ‘varicose veins’. And eat your heart out.

In the meantime, I’m wearing this sucker daily because it is impossible to stay off your feet while chasing two small children and running a business.

From toes to upper thigh. Imagine the tighest thickest thing you ever squeezed into. (Girdles ladies? Spandex bodysuits a couple sizes too small maybe?) It is a compression stocking on steroids. It adds 10 degrees to my body temperature, but boy does it help with pain. So totally worth it, despite the strange looks and comments I get.

If you see me and want to make fun of me for wearing just one? Watch out, I’ve been known to turn around quickly and take people out with this belly of mine. All quite innocently of course. Because me? I’m just a sweet innocent pregnant girl.

We had our ultrasound a week and a half ago, and we’re having a boy!

Stinkbug was disappointed with the news and said she wanted another sister “so we could name her Flower”. Right. That would have happened.

I didn’t really care about the gender either way. A small and petty part of me didn’t want to have to shop for boy stuff and get peed on all the time. But I knew it would be fun to add a boy to the mix, and of course I’m thrilled.

Then there was Curtis. He tried to act nonchalant about it, but I could tell he was really excited. You know how men are. They all secretly want a boy to teach all the boy things to.

Here is a belly shot, almost 22 weeks along.

And a side view.

Do you think it’s a bad sign that three people have asked me in the past week if I’m about to deliver? A couple of them got pretty embarrassed when I told them I’m just over halfway through. It’s kind of funny to make them squirm. If I keep up the pattern of my other pregnancies, I still have about 20-25 pounds to go. And to all you people who claim you’re only supposed to gain 20-25 pounds total? Bite me.

Am I the last person on earth to know about the Redbox? I’d like to kiss whoever invented this. What a brilliant idea!

It has been quieter around here lately, but we have not missed the noise. And when we need a little entertainment on the weekend, we run over to the Redbox at our local grocery store, and shell out a dollar. A whole one.

When I heard about Redbox, I kept waiting for the catch. So it’s a dollar a night? And you can return a movie to any Redbox, not just the one you rented it from? So if I’m on a roadtrip with my peeps, I can rent annoying princess movies all the way from here to California, and return them along the way? And they are conveniently located in fast food restaurants and grocery and convenience stores everywhere? And what? There is no membership fee? I’m still looking for a catch.

It’s sheer brilliance.

I do have a couple suggestions for you Redbox people though.

• Have the boxes be double sided, so two people can check out at once.
• The little display area? You need to somehow make the available movies light up, and the checked out movies dark. It stinks to decide what you want, & get to the front of the line to find that it is gone.
• In small towns without 24 hour stores, put a Redbox somewhere that is accessible 24 hours. Like in an ATM vestibule. (Fancy word compliments of Chandler Bing)
• Fix these few issues, and then give yourselves a big ol pat on the back for a great idea!

Our home has felt very different the past few weeks. Kind of peaceful and calm.

In our first 4-5 years of marriage, we had no tv. We had a tv, but we didn’t have cable, satellite, or any kind of decent channels. We were lucky to get two or three local channels with a little static and fuzz. TV was basically just for an occasional video we’d rent on a weekend.

In the early years, our lack of tv was primary due to lack of time and money. Curtis was in school with two part time jobs, and I had 2-3 jobs at a time as well. We didn’t think much about tv at all.

By the time we moved here, things had slowed down. A little anyway. The cost of living is also lower here, so we started talking about the possibility of getting satellite. We caved in and had satellite for a year and a half, before cancelling a few weeks ago.

I don’t really feel like we’re “tv people”. We don’t watch that much. But then again, even people who do watch a lot don’t think they do. Right? So maybe that became us.

We really only have one show that we watch religiously. Come on. Do you even have to ask what it is? Ok fine. It’s The Office. Wait, let me bold it so you can see how much I really love it. The Office. There, that’s better. There are two others that we like to watch sometimes (Lost & House), but it’s not earth-shattering if we miss them. And boy do we get a good laugh over The Soup occasionally, when we need to unwind at night. Joel McHale? The guy cracks me up. Sometimes I turn on HGTV for background noise while I’m cleaning the kitchen at night. And of course there are the sports. Curtis loves watching sports. See how it all adds up?

I have always been disgusted by the stats about tv watching, and how many hours per day the average person watches. Recently I saw my Stinkbug asking to watch cartoons more frequently. It was not an occasional treat like it used to be, but something she began to expect as part of her regular routine. That’s what did it for me. I don’t want my kids to be those kids. Kids who for 3-5 hours a day are mesmerized by the tv, internet, & video games. They expect to be spoon fed entertainment, and they are easily bored. They may not learn to work, and just as importantly they don’t know how to play. I mean to really play. Without electronics.

Flashback a few decades. Growing up, we did have a little tv. I remember watching Little House on the Prairie. But our tv watching was very limited. Both in time, and in content. (Golden Girls was a no-no. Too skanky, even if they were old ladies.) My mother had a tiny little padlock she would put through the holes on the outlet prongs, so we couldn’t plug the tv in. What did we do? We played in the fields out back. We made forts, played kick-the-can, and ran around the neighborhood. We developed our imaginations. We were kids.

I’m all for a little technology. But I want to be the nerdy mom who sets a timer, “ok you have 30 minutes to play video games, & that’s it for the day.” My kids may resent me for it as they get a little older. I’m ok with that. I don’t want them addicted to tv & video games.

Don’t get me wrong. Before anyone gets defensive here, I’m not saying what anyonelse should or shouldn’t do with their tv watching habits. I love me some tv. And maybe someday we’ll even get it again. Who knows. I’m sure there are tons of people who do a great job of balancing their lives, so tv and electronics don’t take over. But at this point in our lives, I’m ok without it.

We thought we might miss it, but we haven’t. On the weekend, we can plug the laptop into the old projector, and watch a couple of our favorite shows we missed during the week. And for free! We don’t feel like we need to watch our quota to get our money’s worth. We are more productive with our time. We go to bed earlier. *Wink wink. And sometimes go to sleep earlier. Stinkbug has stopped asking for cartoons daily. TV is no longer the background music of our lives.

Now don’t think I’ve gone completely off the deep end. I am still watching the calendar, impatiently waiting for April 10th to arrive. That’s when my THE show returns. Since we’ll be watching online, I wonder if it comes up a day later. Ah nuts. What have I done?

I got some sad news this morning. The 37 year old brother of one of my best friends was killed in a weird freak accident over the weekend. As I read the message, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

I don’t even know Dave. But I cried for my dear friends who lost a brother. I cried for the wonderful family he comes from. I cried for his sweet widow and five young children. I cried because I don’t know how I would survive if that ever happened to our family. It brings me back to the reality of our own mortality.

When young people die, it throws me for a loop. Because of my beliefs about what comes next, I don’t necessarily fear death itself. What I fear is one spouse being left alone. And children growing up without one parent. It breaks my heart.

Six years ago this weekend, we lost everything in a fire. It was a tragedy in our lives, but nothing compared to the death of a loved one. What blew me away and changed my life forever, was the generousity of people all around us. When word got out that the insurance company stiffed us, we were flooded with generousity. Complete strangers brought household items to our places of work. We received food, clothing, gift cards, and money. It changed our perspective on so many things.

People would send $10 with a note, embarrassed that they couldn’t give more. Those people did not realize what they did for us. First, those $10 donations added up, and we were able to scrape by for a couple months until we could get back on our feet. Second, the generousity of friends and strangers fundamentally changed who we are and how we look at taking care of our brothers and sisters on this earth.

You can read Jen’s post on her brother’s death here. If you feel so inclined to help his grieving family, a fund has been set up for his widow and five children.

Dave Kirby Family Benefit
Central Bank
175 East Main Street
American Fork, Ut 84003
801-756-9900

Whether you can give or not, please keep the Kirby family in your prayers. Links from your blogs would be greatly appreciated.

Added 3/13- I just came across a site with more about Dave, his death, and his family.

I don’t know what fortune cookies are coming to. This is what my last one said.

Now, if you are not inwardly snickering, quit reading. No I’m serious. Stop here! Go back to your day, and pat yourself on the back for having a clean mind.

For those still reading, shame on you. If you’re still here, I assume you add the “under the sheets” phrase to the end of all fortune cookies like my family does. So what is this fortune? Seriously! The people who make these cookies have to know about the “under the sheets” thing. I can’t believe that this wasn’t on purpose. I can just picture an old perverted Chinese man in a factory coming up with these things.

This reminds me of a time I was visiting China years ago, and I bought a little Buddha statue home as a souvenir. It wasn’t until I got it home that I turned the statue over and noticed a carving on the bottom that was, well. Let’s just say. Ewww. I flashed back to the toothless old Chinese man smiling at me as I bought the statue. I just assumed he was super friendly to tourists. Straight into the trash Buddha went. (Sorry to any Buddhists who may be reading.)

Before you go thinking this is a race thing, let me say that I am a strong believer in equal opportunity. People of any nationality have just as much right to be perverted as Chinese fortune cookie makers or pornographic Buddha peddlers. Just like I have the right to kick them in their perverted cajones if they get anywhere near me or my family. I have lived in a couple other countries, and have traveled to many more. I have unfortunately seen or met perverts everywhere I’ve been, and of course we have more than our fair share of pervs in the US.

I LIKE Chinese! I really do. If I were a singer, I’d break out into the song from Monty Python. And if you don’t know the song, you need to go listen to it.

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